Tossed aside...

I spent the first four years of my twins lives being the center of their existence. Mommy was all knowing, daddy non-existent. I looked forward to the day when I could sit back, relax and let someone else help with the daily grind. With my two year old, things are kind of following the same pattern. Except that with her I do not mind it as much since she was and still is such an easier child than my twins ever were.

Bedtime now is sort of nice for me because the older kids, who will be six in December, are really into their daddy. Most nights they say to me "we do not want you tonight." So I give them quick kisses and then take the little one in her room for our bedtime rituals. A few nights ago we had a babysitter and upon arriving home my husband and I went to check on the kids, something I do every night. I checked on my son first, oldest daughter then youngest daughter. When we walked into the oldest girl's room she was sort of awake. She smiled at me and I gave her a kiss. With my husband she immediately hugged him. It was cute and sad for me. I am not longer number one and quite frankly it makes me sad.

Tonight at the playground my son was on the swing and my husband was with him, pushing him. I guess he felt himself slipping so he adjusted his position and fell backward right off and landed on the woodchips flat on his back. It scared me beyond belief. I picked him up to make sure he was not bleeding and he then said, "I want daddy." UGH. Then the little one took a tumble off the climber as well and cried for daddy which is unusual because when she is hurt she always wants me. I am just not ready for the growing up and not needing me anymore. It really hurts...